The Difference

Even if you already felt it, you couldn't accept it that easy. The fact that you're not a human anymore. You're something different now. Not a human, not an angel, not a devil, not a ghost. Nothing. No one recognized you. They saw you. They walked pass you. They heard you. They could touch you. But they didn't recognize you. You knew something happened before. There's always reason for everything happen.

Your room wasn't like the room you always occupied before. Something missing. Something's different. But you didn't know what's the difference. It's not like there were someone happened to steal something from your room. No. Not about that. It's about the atmosphere. Different.

You double checked everything in your room. Your bed, your bathroom, your desk, your table, your closet, even your dustbin. Different. But you still couldn't find the point. The change. You always been a really sensitive person. You'd know something happened even if it just a little. But it wasn't like that now. You lost your sensitivity.

You walked in silent towards the balcon. Opened the window glass and stepped out from your room. You looked at the scenery outside. The cold night, the star, the moon, the lamps, the house, the street. Different. Still, you haven't found the difference. The point. The change.

You sat at the couch in front of the TV. Elbow on your knee. Your hand covered your face. Tried hard to think all this thing. All the difference. The same feeling came. The awkward feeling, the unsafe feeling, the painful feeling. You bend your knee, placed your hand around it. What those people said was right. You'll feel more comfortable in this position. The same position as when you were in your mother's womb.

Sudddenly something came to your mind. You stand up. Walked rushly towards the bookshelf. You pulled out the blue covered book. An album. Photo album. You flipped every page of it. Tried to find what you were looking for. But you found none of them. Not even one. Desperated. You flipped it back to the first page. Again, you looked for it. Carefully. But still nothing there. Not a single photo of yourself was there.

"You'll lose everything you had. Including the most precious one," those words suddenly came to you. You didn't believe it first. But now you realized. He's right. He never false. He do lying all the times. That's why you couldn't believe him earlier.

The devil was right. Now you lose your most precious thing. Yourself. You thought he only took your thing. Material thing. Money, house, car, or whatever. But no. He didn't need that. He needed your soul. You realize, you shouldn't make any contract with him in first place. But now it's too late. Regrets didn't make anything return to the beginning.

 

pstscrpt ;This is 23.58 and i'm still awake. Can't sleep since the air was really hot and there still a lot of thing happen in my mind. Graduating, exam, college entrance, friends, parents, school, whatever. not feeling too well lately. These laziness almost eating me. Drowning me deep that i think i can't swim to the surface. So this is one of the evidence of my randomness. And i'm downloading yiruma's album now. it's piano instrumental fyi. And i never listening to these kind of music before. call me galau, dilemma or anything. In fact, yeah, i am.