Since last night I found out the truth, I can't sleep well. I can't work functionally. The sudden mixed feelings come and go the whole day. I can't wait to walk alone and cry.
But then, I've walked for more than 30 minutes with my ultimate emo playlist, yet I didn't shed a tears at all. I just can't. I've tried.
While I walk, I try to think. What is it that make me become this ruined. Was it the fact that it turns out you already have someone you put your heart into, the fact that it's not me, or the fact that I'm the stoopid one who expecting something out of my reach. The more I think, the more I can't find the answer. Or probably all of that are the reasons.
Either one, I'm still trying to be as 'normal' as possible. Though it hurts like hell inside. I hate me for being coward. I'm afraid to ask, to make sure about everything. I've been consumed too much by my thoughts, assumptions, and all those negative vibes. And whose the one to be blame? Of course it's the one who cause all of this; me.
Somehow this blog turns out to be a heartbreak trash can. Wondering when will my happy ending come. But the real question is; will it really come before I die?
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